The Stalker – what’s in it for him?

I’ve had a stalker for a couple of months. Sad thing is, he’s not the first one I’ve had. I’m going to address a couple of things here.

1. I work in empowerment as a Therapist. I tell you this so you know what my paradigm is. When I called the Police to report this it was all about hiding, changing my number, moving, etc. I told them NO. This isn’t up to ME to change MY behaviour – it’s for him to STOP his behaviour. I was shocked, disappointed and then resolute in my resolve to be an example thru this.

Was I being foolish? No. He doesn’t know where I live, doesn’t have my address – just my phone number. I am all over the net so no, I’m not changing my number. It’s my business.

I talked to many others who’ve had this. (Sad to say it’s becoming common). There were lots that they shared but not much was helpful. I want to empower myself – not shrink back in fear.

I came up with my own plan. It was about a week+ ago. Suddenly his calling stopped. At least for now. I am hoping he’s given up. Time will tell

2. What’s in it for the stalker? I’ve been pondering this to find my approach to it. It’s similar to rape – it’s about misplaced feelings of power. Power over another human. It’s the idea of getting away with something. Sadly you can see what kind of people do these things. It also tells you about things like: their wrong views about women, what kind of poor values they have, desperation, their own feelings of powerlessness and lack of control. In total, it shows a persons lack of mental stability and emptiness.

While I can understand, empathize and feel sorry for him, at no time will I excuse this behaviour. You do NOT get to threaten another persons feeling of safety, disregard their need for personal security or their wellbeing. EVERY person has the right to these basic human needs.

I am Grateful to him. He helped me to process this and to come up with a plan. It wasn’t for or about him. That’s why I think he disappeared. It was about me coming up with what’s needed for women/these situations. I am Grateful because I intend to develop something for this

I am Grateful for being the prototype lol

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Your Word…or lack thereof

Did you know your word defines you? It’s true even if you didn’t realize it or not. People will judge their ability of what they can expect from you as to whether or not you keep your word.

Have you ever been in a group planning something? Where they suggest various names? What would people say about YOU? Would they want you? Do they think you’d show up on time? Would you be reliable?

At your funeral how will people remember you? What do you want people to remember you for? What’s important to you? Do they know it?

Do you tell the truth? Do people believe in you? Can they trust you?

Are. You. Your. Word?

I’ve spent my life cultivating this. I am my word. I live this. But I moved to where I’m starting over and no one knows this lol. So, I’m Grateful this hasn’t changed for me – that it’s all in tact and people are learning this…it just takes time. They don’t ‘automatically’ know to connect me to it yet. It’s interesting bcz it’s starting over to yourself too. Do you still stand in your integrity or did you let things slip? No, I’m the same so it’s one thing I can relax into and just ‘be’.

I am my word. Are you?

Time. It’s elusive and finite

Have you noticed how there never seems to be ‘enough’ time? We’re born with a bank of time. How we use it is up to us. How do you spend yours?

For me, my paradigm of life is a spiritual one. I believe in God and I believe we/I have value. So I want to use my time well….but I haven’t been. Somewhere in the last 4 years, I lost my ability to know what I like and how I want to spend it. Spend it we do – that’s not an option. Every day we whittle into our bank of time. I have been trying to discover how I want to spend my time and how that would look.

My life has changed. My interests have changed. My options available have changed. Quite frankly, there’s only certain things I want and right now, they aren’t available. It is maddening for me in all honesty. Why? Because I’ve tried to use my time wisely my whole life. And now….not so much so it feels wasted. It’s not because I’m still learning but it’s not the same for me. I don’t do ‘waiting’ well lol.

Wait…on The Lord and HE shall renew your strength. And it’s true – He has. I just haven’t liked it much. And He never promised I would. I choose Gratitude no matter what because I have healed, I’ve grown, I’ve learned a great deal and had time to sit and understand what’s to come.

Maybe I’ll never do waiting well? Maybe it’s a learned thing? Maybe it’s more for some than others? I’m Grateful I’ve had it. I’ll be Grateful when it’s over and I can move into my phase of productivity again. It’s what I know. Someday I may wish I had this time again but it’s elusive and down the road, my finite time will come. Whether I waited well or not

Blame

The #MeToo movement switched from women feeling the safety in numbers to being blamed again and therefore not opening up anymore. This is upsetting bcz I work with people who’ve gone through these things. Now I’m one….

I’m being stalked. This is not of my own doing. Everything about my Professional life is public as is all my colleagues. As a business, I can’t run and hide….but that’s what I’m now told to do.

I talked to the Police and they told me to hide. To change my profiles. To change my name. To change my phone number. This made me stop being afraid. As I listened, I realized what these women have gone through and what really BAD advice they are given! I will NOT hide. If anyone is going to have to change their behaviour – it’s him. I work with these women – I refuse to be one.

I teach people about how to be empowered and hiding would be hypocritical. I listened patiently to what the Police had to say and I’ve since determined my own strategies if they fail. I will go through their process (except the hiding) and once that isn’t successful, I will then activate my own.

Once the Police told him to stop calling me, he started to call 2 -3 times a day. He is clearly a sociopath and will not co-operate. They have to be put into their own corners bcz they are relentless in bullying and never stop unless they are pushed back. But I’m already done and choose not to be afraid.

Everything in life is a choice and we get to choose and then live that out. I’m learning everything I can about the legal aspect and will know how to empower people even more from going through it myself. I am Grateful bcz life’s lessons are the best lessons.

Stop blaming the women. There are men out there making some really bad choices and the women are not to blame. It rests solely on their shoulders. I will not be bullied or blamed bcz a bad man chooses to do bad things. He is to blame for his own actions period. As we all are.

I’m going to learn about how to overcome these situations in an empowered way. Be sure that there’s more to come. He started this story bit I will be the one to write my own ending

Overwhelm is a story!

Short of when things impact you physically, most overwhelm is a story. What you keep telling yourself grows. What’s the story you’re telling yourself?

This morning, while working with a client, they were saying to me about what they were never going to be able to do – as though this is fact. It is not. I corrected them and said, “yet”.

If you are telling your brain you can’t do something – you’re right. If you tell yourself you CAN do something, you’re right! What you tell your brain, it will follow, as will your body. Not sure?

Try this: exercise in whatever way you choose. After awhile, start to tell yourself that you can’t do anymore. See what happens. Now, tell yourself that you can with determination! See what happens. You will be able to push longer and harder.

In life, what are the boxes that you build for yourself? What limits do you impose on yourself? Create awareness around this for a solid couple of months and see. It’s very illuminating lol. Only create the awareness but change nothing. It’s about permission to look authentically.

Now, once you want to shift this, start. When you REALLY want to go to the next level, contact me. You can go bigger than you’ve dreamed – you just need the support. I’ve found this all to be true in my life in every. single. area. You will too. Go big or go bigger!

Melinda Macleod

403.819.3583

Trans4mativeCoaching@gmail.com

Completing 2017

Many have found found this year to be stressful, challenging, etc. As this year winds to a close, maybe consider completing whatever lose ends may still be lingering for you. This could include: relationships, work, projects, etc. Anything that didn’t get completed of feels like it’s still lingering.

Why? So you can close this chapter. Finish the year in a powerful way where there’s nothing that can pull you back into it. Review what worked and what didn’t. Then why they did or did not work. This is valuable information.

Many people set ‘resolutions’ for the next year….and fail. Why? That’s another blog lol. Ask me what I do and feel free to book a Session to start the NY really strong where you WILL stay on track!

For now, wrap up lose ends. This may also include ending negative or unsupportive relationships. Are they moving you forwards or do they create challenges? Some may need to be concluded and that’s ok. It makes room for better, kinder, more positive and loving relationships. Choose well in what’s best for YOU

2017 in review: Challenges, pain, purged, ended a friendship, moved to a new city, started at a new clinic, new friends, got rid of physical pain, got more clarity, lost 1/2 the weight I want to release, started to get into better shape, concluded a lingering financial case, new place, adjustments and much more. It has been eventful for sure.

May you end 2017 strong so you can invite ONLY what you truly want for this New Year and create what you DO want ❤️

Words….

So I’ve uprooted my life, moved away from all I’ve known for most of my life and started over in a new city. All I hear from everyone is, “Oh, it’s so hard when you move/start over/, etc” I now tell them to stop and not say that. It’s not hard unless I tell myself it is.

I’m on an adventure and chose this. I’m starting fresh – not hard. I’m starting a new life, not Living someone else’s version of ‘hard’ that is. I get to choose and other people’s phrasing can have a big impact…if you let it. I choose my version.

There’s no denying there are glitches, obstacles and challenges for sure. I’m a realist so I get that. I want, however, to choose the framework of my paradigm of what I’m creating. I get to choose where I put my focus and it’s not on those things. They don’t help create what you want.

My focus now is building a new: created, inspired, motivated, fresh, opportunity, energized, invigorated, invented and crazy good life. This is my daily window in which to draw from and I like it.

Merry Christmas and may you have a very Happy New Year for 2018

✨🌟⭐️🌟✨